Forgiveness is not automatic?

Passing through Sellwood, I read “Forgiveness is not automatic”. I guess the church sign did its thing – made me look, made me think. I’ve been chewing on that idea, spitting it out and then chewing on it some more for several days now. I can’t get a handle on whether it is true or not.

I google the phrase and all sorts of references appear. My pick of the day is from a university website: “Course forgiveness is not automatic; you must apply through the office of the registrar.” I wish it were that straightforward in life after graduation. I’m not sure it was always that easy as a student either.

Fact is we all mess up. Every last one of us. “To err is human” (Alexander Pope). It is far easier to mess up than fess up, that’s for sure. Maybe it is because we think that forgiveness is so impossible to receive. “To forgive is divine” (Pope, again). See, it is indeed above and beyond the call of being human.

Does forgiveness seem so impossible because I have a hard time doling it out or because I have a hard time coming up with examples of where it has been doled out to me? Which comes first – the chicken or the egg?

We’re kind of like two kids ready to dive off the world’s highest cliff into a vast body of water below: “You first!” “No, you first!” I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.

What about, “OK, let’s do it together”? That is what produces authentic community – when we decide right up front we will make the leap simultaneously, like those synchronized Olympic divers.

But if I understand anything about God, it is that He has chosen to forgive us up front. With God the giving is automatic. That doesn’t fly well with “let ‘em burn” types. But it’s true. Otherwise Cliff Barrows was lying through his teeth all those years at Billy Graham Crusades when he sang “Just as I am.” First comes grace/forgiveness, then comes acceptance (saying “I’m sorry”), then comes resolution/restoration.

OK, there’s that teaching of Jesus’ that if we don’t forgive, we can’t be forgiven. But that is if we, having been forgiven, go out and proactively don’t forgive others. In any case, God is always the initiator of forgiveness – and long before we even know to ask.

But does that mean I automatically have to forgive those who have so deeply hurt me? In a word, yes. Though that effort does take an act of grace by God in me first. Fortunately for me and everyone else, God is very gracious (patient). In the end, though, I do – I will – forgive.

Scary. If only we didn’t lose out by offering forgiveness. How can I forgive them for what they have done? Don’t I just open myself to more pain and abuse? Only if forgiveness is giving up boundaries. When God forgives, he has nothing more to lose than He already lost on the cross. And with that loss, He actually had everything to gain.

So how does that work with me? Do I lose or, like God, gain? When I forgive, I release the hold the past has on me. However, acceptance of forgiveness and restitution are up to the “forgivee”. Beyond that, restoration is not automatic. Restoration of the relationship – reopening up to each other – is always a two-way street and certainly contingent on acceptance of forgiveness, restitution, change and a guarantee of wholesome boundaries.

It’s all still so very scary until I can be sure I can trust God that if I forgive, He will protect me. Sometimes the pains in life are so deep that such trust is hardly automatic. But I’m learning in the authentic journey that authenticity is being honest and also being willing to move ahead. If the other guy says “you first”, I just want to make sure God jumps with me. As I’m finding out, He always does.