There are times when I have wavered greatly in my faith. But I have never abandoned it.
I could not let go of God any more than I could let go of myself, including my questions. I discovered (ironically at the hands of one who worked to destroy my security in God) that God is bigger than my questions, and indeed welcomes them. Certainly that is the example shown me by the Psalmist Asaph.
Recently, Pastor Ray taught that our theology influences our actions, meaning that bad theology leads to bad behavior and good theology leads to good behavior. What I believe and what I do cannot be separated, this is true.
As an ethicist, I am often asked what ethics means? I have always said that ethics at its most basic component is living out what you believe. I can learn more about your theology from your behavior than if you just tell me what you believe. James says something along the same lines in his letter in the New Testament.
When I have struggled with anxieties and fears, I am not sure my theology has gone bad. What I am sure of is that my strength comes from having a firm grip on what I believe – or more precisely who I believe. The crux of the matter is do I really believe what I believe?
This I have seen again and again. The encouraging words of others, even my wife’s, and these various voices this morning in my devotional time, do much to help. But in the end, it is as Wilkerson writes, the word of God has to come to me.
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